SPORT | Mario Balotelli does an unexpected thing

Manchester City striker and professional man-child Mario Belotelli has continued to cause controversy by doing this thing you wouldn’t expect him to do in a place you wouldn’t be expecting him to be doing it in. This latest incident comes after a range of other unexpected actions in various other unexpected places, often resulting in unexpected outcomes.

Hat.

Local resident and Manchester Project fan Wayne Fort-Boyard spoke to News Manc about what he witnessed. “I was just standing there and in walked Balotelli. It was most unexpected. And as to what he did next, well, I just couldn’t believe it. You just don’t expect things like that to happen in places like this.”

Shocked onlookers started to take pictures of the thing Balotelli was doing and quickly posted them to social network sites such as Twitter and Facebook. One Twitter user, Greg_MCFC, said “OMG, have you seen this? He’s at it again!”. A comment from another user on Facebook said, “Well, will you look at that? He’s always getting up to unexpected stuff in places you simply wouldn’t expect him to be. I wonder what he’ll do next?”

However, Balotelli’s agent, Muchio Rapio-Footballio, was quick to play down the incident. “Who hasn’t occasionally done unexpected things in places where they didn’t expect to be doing them? Mario is no different from anyone else in that regard. Fuck off.”

Manchester City Manager and semi-professional Mr G from Summer Heights High look-alike Roberto Mancini refused to be drawn in to this latest controversy. “Mario is Mario” he said helpfully, with an impish yet punchable smile.

Greater Manchester Police confirmed that they had received no complaints about the thing Balotelli did and will therefore not be starting an investigation in the place that he did it.

Serial hair-rapist Balotelli is currently serving a three match ban after been sent off due to stapling a picture of Colleen Nolan to referee Mike Dean’s face during City’s Premier League 2-2 draw with Aston Villa.

In related news City are expected to announce the £23bn signing of the NASA space program from the US Government. They hope to complete the move in time to launch a mission to Mars before Sunday’s FA Cup 4th Round tie against Leyton Orient.

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