NEWS | Levenshulme ‘just six months away’ from being unbearable

February 19, 2012

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"Ornithology flyers"

South Manchester area Levenshulme is on the verge of becoming completely unbearable according to the ‘Manchester lifestyle bible’ website Guerrilla Zeitgeist.

The region has become increasingly popular over the last year with trendy twenty-somethings who are looking for all that vibrant and cosmopolitan shite but find themselves priced out of locations such as Didsbury and Chorlton-cum-Hardy.

Guerrilla Zeitgeist editor Achilles Fulcrum has penned an article which predicts that Levenshulme could be Manchester’s next premier irritating area as soon as Autumn 2012.

“The signs are there”, Fulcrum told News Manc.

“I was waiting for the 192 bus around three months ago and two girls were debating which Bon Iver album is the best. After considerable discussion they ended up actually picking out one of his side-project’s albums”, said Fulcrum with a sage nod.

“Back in around 1995 you heard very similar conversations about Belle & Sebastian in Chorlton”, added Fulcrum. “And look what happened there.”

Since the bus stop incident Fulcrum has noticed a wide range of other tell-tale indicators that the area may soon be getting on your tits.

“Frank’s Greengrocer on Stockport Road has recently installed a ‘turntablist’ on Thursdays and Fridays and a number of Estate Agents are now offering ‘workplay space solutions’ instead of houses.”

“The angular haircuts are also a dead giveaway – I saw a guy with what can only be described as a red rhombus as hair the other day.”

Jeff Tunnels has been the landlord of The Horse and Flipchart on Chapel Street for over thirty years. Even he has sensed a change in the area.

“I guess I have noticed things. A few weeks ago a young girl came in wearing her mum’s clothes and buddy holly glasses asking if she could leave some flyers about¬†ornithology. I just quietly backed away and called security.”

“And increasingly we get people asking us what microbrews we have on. It’s annoying.”

Although Guerrilla Zietgiest are trumpeting Levenshulme as the hot favourite to start fucking you off in the very near future they also highlight Hulme, Harpurhey and Monton as getting increasingly bothersome.

“Harpurhey now has a coffee shop”, said Fulcrum earnestly.

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20 Comments on “NEWS | Levenshulme ‘just six months away’ from being unbearable”

  1. Cebi Says:

    I thought this was supposed to be a spoof website?!

    Reply

  2. O'Connor Says:

    Don’t believe a word of it – we’re all rock hard Irish lads here in Levenshulme. Now where’s my knitting got to…

    Reply

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Some times I touch myself to see how much it bleeds!

    Reply

  4. Helen Power Says:

    All good stuff, although I tweeted you the other week to see if you took commissions with the intention of writing something under the headline “Hipsters Who Actually Visit Levenshulme Bitterly Disappointed”. Levenshulme has got a lot of Twitter-literate residents and two good cafes now but, despite some very good intentions and worthy ventures, it’s still mostly ¬£ shops and takeaways. Which, by the way, is the way that we like it. Helen (ex-owner of lovelevenshulme.com)

    Reply

  5. Rory Leech Says:

    I agree with Helen. As one of the few remaining actual nerds, I remain vigilant against any imitating horde that may try to invade our fragrant borough. They may take our Post Offices, but they’ll never take our vaguely-plagiaristic takeaways!

    Reply

  6. Anonymous Says:

    There are many things that Fuck me off about Levenshulme but nothing that was said in the article, The place is a fucking shite hole!! its fine if you are looking for a dodgy curry or kebab!!

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  1. I light hearted opener! | manchesterandbeyond - February 22, 2012

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