Archive | March, 2012

NEWS | Manchester Evening News to ask the public what they think of the budget

March 21, 2012

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Calc

News Manc can exclusively reveal that the Manchester Evening News plans to ask a number of local residents their opinion of today’s budget. It’s also believed that the Manchester newspaper will work out exactly how better or worse off the budget makes these people and will inform readers of the outcome. Staff at the paper […]

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SPECIAL FEATURE: Extracts from ‘Fucking Like a Rock Star’ by William Roache

March 15, 2012

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Coronation Street bosses are bracing themselves for more revelations as long-serving cast member William Roache prepares to release his long-awaited diary-format autobiography Fucking Like a Rock Star. In his compelling compendium of carnal tales  -  serialised exclusively in News Manc today  -  the man best known to millions as Ken Barlow shares the intimate details […]

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NEWS | Tevez to show crying Manchester City fan how to not give a flying fuck

March 13, 2012

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Tevez

Manchester City have offered ‘crying fan’ John Millington the services of Carlos Tevez to teach him how to not give a flying fuck about a football club. Passionate fan Millington, 26, was caught crying by television cameras after City’s 1-0 defeat away at Swansea on Sunday. Football fans around the world were quick to inform […]

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SPORT | Sian Massey did really, really well

March 12, 2012

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Sian

The media has been quick to tell Premier League assistant referee Sian Massey not to worry her pretty little head about being a woman in football as she’d done a really, really good job. Newspapers and football commentators were falling over themselves to inform the sweetie pie just how well she’d done after she correctly […]

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NEWS | Metrolink passengers go completely and utterly batshit

March 9, 2012

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An aerial view of Piccadilly Gardens at 7.15pm last night.

Metrolink passengers finally went thoroughly fucking mental last night and laid siege to the city. Many important buildings and landmarks have either been damaged through fire and rioting or simply razed to the ground. Residents of the city went all Michael Douglas from Falling Down after services were suspended on the Altrincham line for around […]

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NEWS | Radiohead fans can ‘pay what they want’ for Manchester concert

March 7, 2012

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Radiohead lead singer Tom York.

Radiohead have announced that fans who purchase tickets for their gig at the MEN Arena on 6th October 2012 can choose the price they pay from the various options available to them through the Ticketmaster website. “We have a great partnership with Ticketmaster”, said one of the ones in the band who isn’t Thom Yorke. […]

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NEWS | Catholic Church to open third venue in Manchester’s gay village

March 4, 2012

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Club owner Sentamu.

The Catholic Church have announced that they will be opening a third venue in Manchester’s gay village. The bar and nightclub will be named Cardinal Sin and is due to open in early May. It is the latest venture from Archbishop of St Andrews Cardinal Keith O’Brien and Anglican Archbishop of York John Sentamu who […]

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NEWS | Met Office: ‘meteor may be God’s punishment for Take Me Out’

March 4, 2012

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God: not a fan of McGuinness

The Met Office have confirmed that the bright meteor seen over the Manchester area last night may have been a sign of God’s wrath and anger for ITV1′s Take Me Out. The omnipresent deity, supernatural creator and overseer of the universe is known to occasionally throw his toys out of the pram and unleash fury […]

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NEWS | Northern Quarter petrol station sells ‘craft fuel’ for £3.10 a litre

March 2, 2012

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The Swan Street Garage in the Northern Quarter.

A petrol station in the Northern Quarter has started selling unleaded fuel for £3.10 per litre. The average price per litre of unleaded in Manchester is currently 136p, making a fill up at the Northern Quarter station more than double the cost of a trip to a normal petrol station. Georgie Taylor, manager of the […]

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NEWS | Chester Road building fire: police refuse to rule out Balotelli

March 2, 2012

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Balotelli: enjoys putting wigs on James Milner.

Greater Manchester Police (GMP) have refused to rule out the involvement of Mario Balotelli in a large building fire currently raging on Chester Road. Eyewitness reports allegedly place Balotelli in the area around 30 minutes before fire crews arrived at the scene. Local resident Sarah Sempter spoke to News Manc after spotting the world’s greatest […]

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