Newsmanc’s intrepid reporter Mark Klienfield swaps his shoes to bring you the top 3 bowling alleys in the city.

3. Spare

It goes without saying that a former church is not the most likely setting for an exclusive bowling alley. But a former parish on an unassuming Ancoats street has been lovingly converted in to a stunning haven which caters for the most discerning of bowler.

The main hall of the former church has been panelled from floor to ceiling with polished wood and handcrafted wooden toys make up the sparse yet classy decoration. Normal bowling shoes are available, but a collaboration with Manchester fashion designer Tom Blake has resulted in a limited edition run of 10 pairs of bespoke shoes for people who want to really push the boat out.

There’s no bar or restaurant per se, but each lane comes with a ‘house boy’ (their words, not mine) who serves a variety of free snacks and drinks. During our game we feasted on Bella Di Cerignola olives wrapped in Prosciutto di Parma, all washed down with port. Megabowl this ain’t.

At over thirty pounds a game Spare certainly isn’t cheap, and the exclusive feel may put people off. But the three-month waiting list seems to demonstrate that Spare can charge whatever the hell they like.

Spare, 47 George Leigh Street Manchester M4 5DR

£33 per person, per game

£9 extra for the Tom Blake limited edition shoes.

2. Bodacious Bowl

Ahh, the 90s. Saturday morning cartoons, knowing the dance to the Macarena, untangling your slinky. And, of course, bowling.

Anyone in their late twenties or early thirties will remember the endless bowling parties: entering crude nicknames on sticky keypads, trying to locate your friend who was next to bowl but was off buying a Slush Puppie and a game of OutRun in the arcade on the way out.

Sound good? Well now you can relive it all at Bodacious Bowl, the brainchild of brothers Ted and Matt Simpkin.

The Simpkin brothers, who also run Space Bar on Oxford Road as well as Kiff Cafe in Chorlton, finally opened Bodacious Bowl in February after the idea struck them during a drunken conversation with friends in 2010.

“We just think bowling should be exactly as it was when you were a kid, and for us that’s the late 80s and early 90s”, explains Ted.

The brothers’ ideas became a reality when a chain of Devon bowling alleys went in to administration in 2011.

“The administrators were selling off all of this great, old AMF bowling equipment. The old scoring units, shoes, arcade machines, air hockey, the works. We snapped it up, shipped it to Manchester and set the place up exactly how we remembered our old local Bowlplex. The only difference is the price, obviously.”

The key to Bodacious is the little touches; the attention to detail. You swap your money for old 50p pieces to use in the original arcade machines, the lanes are set up so that a pin or a ball gets stuck in the mechanism every now and again, solution is applied to the floor each and every day to keep it sticky and the deep fried food is purposefully awful.

“The details are important to us”, agrees Matt.

“We’re not selling bowling, we’re selling a lifestyle. A memory. A slice of nostalgia”.

Bodacious Bowl, 60 Sackville Street, Manchester M1 3W

£22 per person, per game

£8 for a ‘Retro Curly Fries Sharer’

1. Southern Quarter Lanes

Southern Quarter Lanes isn’t just the bowling alley to be seen in Manchester, it’s simply the place to be seen in Manchester.

This isn’t the bowling you’ve seen before. A 20,000 square foot complex of cool; interwoven with restaurants, VIP lounges, a revolving roster of superstar DJs (NYC queen of cool Cassie Coane dropped by last week) and classic films playing on flat-screen televisions above the pins. Table service comes as standard.

Again, it’s the little touches. Scores are recorded on iPads, 3D replays of your strikes, celebrity pop-up menus, original Americana bowling shirts for rent and The Big Lebowski playing in all of the toilets. It’s perfect.

A strict dress code (nicknamed ‘easy cool’ by the management) means that the bouncers are turning away nearly a quarter of the people who are queuing for at least an hour to get in. And did we mention that you need to be a member?

“A little exclusivity is never a bad thing”, grins Tom Slater, CEO of Dropstar Entertainment, who own a host of bars and eateries across the city along with Southern Quarter Lanes.

“We know that the majority of people who come here don’t even like bowling. Some of them don’t even play – they come to grab one of our 50 craft beers, or pick up a Makizushi Sushi Platter in our Asian-inspired lounge.”

“Bowling is just the conduit to the overall experience.”

Southern Quarter Lanes, 18 Whitworth Street West, Manchester, M15 4PU

Strictly limited edition membership starts from £40.

Games from £21.

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10. SODA BAR

Underneath an unassuming office block down a NQ back street is a bar with no wine, beer or spirits to be seen. Only Soda Stream machines adorn the counter tops. 2012 saw numerous bars in East London install the must-have 80s drinks maker for nostalgic cocktail experiences, but Soda Bar is thought to be the UK’s first drinking den dedicated to ‘getting busy with the fizzy’.

We recommend the CO2 Margarita or the Bubbly Spiked Iced Green Tea, both £8.

Soda Bar, 18 Dale Street, Northern Quarter, Manchester, M1 1EZ

9. BLOGS ABOUT BLOGS WHICH BLOG ABOUT BURGER BLOGS

If 2010 was the year of the burger, 2011 was the year of the burger blogger and 2012 was the year of the blogger slagging off the burger blogger. 2013 will be the year of the blogger blogging about the blogger who blogged about how they don’t like burger bloggers.

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a good burger and blogging about it”, opined Mark Renshaw, author of one of the many new Manchester blogs which examine the mindset of bloggers who criticise burger blogs.

8. SOFAQU

With the likes of Trof, Common and Odd increasingly being seen as the traditional, reliable, old guard of the Manchester food and drink scene it was always inevitable that new venues would spill out of the NQ and in to new, nearby territories. Establishments such as Bakerie, Kosmonaut, Port Street Beer House and The Whiskey Jar have firmly etched FaQuA (Fashion Quarter) as food and drink destination all of its own in the conciousness of Mancunians.

But 2013 will be all about SoFaQua. Bordered by the eastern end of Tariff Street and Ducie Street to the south, former factories and industrial units are being converted in a thriving area seemingly christened SoFaQua by locals. New ventures include Korean kimchi bar Kim Chee and gourmet cafe Pud, which celebrates new twists on the classic French éclair.

7. CARTON

Air popped. Corn infusion. Extra crunch. If these phrases aren’t part of the average Mancunian’s vocabulary now, they will by the end of the year.

In May 2012 popcorn stand Carton quietly opened in the Arndale Food markets. After seven months and daily lines of impressed foodies, creator and owner James Fring decided to branch out with a pop-up popcorn restaurant in a former newsagent on Manchester’s rejuvenated New Wakefield Street.

“Forget the sickly orange rubbish you get in cinemas”, insists Fray. “We do bacon-fat popcorn topped with crispy sage and gruyere, butter-rich buffalo wing corn and mint smashed vodka popcorn.”

Expect to see 2013′s hottest snack ‘popping up’ on menus across the city.

Carton, 8 New Wakefield Street,  Manchester, M1 5NP (1st February – 18th March 2013).

6. MILL

Mill is a simple revelation. A bakery with a difference: you pop in during the morning, mill your own flour and return post-work or shopping to pick up your semi-self-made artisan, fresh bread.

“Above all else, savy bread consumers want to know the authenticity of their flour blend”, said Mill owner Shaun Boswell. “Milling your own flour connects you to the process, the concept and, most importantly, the loaf itself.”

Mill, 11 Blossom Street,  Manchester, M4 5AF. Loaves start from £6.

5. DOGGING

If you thought the burger movement was sexually aggressive wait until the Manchester hotdog scene puts its hand up your skirt and fondles your flange.

Dogging is an offensive, dirty, in-your-face experience which leaves you feeling almost violated. Setting up wherever possible (recent pop-ups have included a friend’s removal van, Everything Everything’s dressing room and the Manchester School of Art canteen) the dawgs include the 100% Beef Thermometer, a beef dog spiked with Bury black pudding bits, and the Tots Amaze, a traditional kosher sausage dog partnered with tater tots smothered in jalapeño and cheese gravy (pictured).

Follow their Twitter account, prepare to be called a cunt, and get down quick when they disclose their location as they sell out fast.

(various locations around the city)

4. KOSMONAUT’S COMFORT DRINKS MENU

“We’ve seen the comfort food revolution, why not start the comfort drink revolution?”

That’s the view of Kosmonaut’s head bartender Helen Shaw. With Generation Y heading in to their late twenties and early thirties the pre-clubbing, post-work, creative-thirst drinks crowd are pining for a taste of their youth.

Kosmonaut’s retro comfort drinks menu includes Smirnoff Mule, Metz, Woodpecker cider, Archers Aqua, Lambrusco, Orange Reef, Labbats Ice and Caffrey’s. For a limited time only you can relive your park bench youth in more comfortable surroundings.

Kosmonaut, 10 Tariff Street , Manchester, M1 2FF

3. KILNER JARS

If you’re drinking a cocktail out of a Jam Jar then you’re in a suburban pop-up burger joint or Dalston. If you’re drinking one out of a teapot then you might even be in Leeds. All of which couldn’t be more 2012.

Kilner jars are where it’s at. Thought to be first used by Matt Regan at East Williamsburg cocktail behemoth Shot?, expect Kilners to migrate the Atlantic during Q1 2013, and into Manchester via Bermondsey by the Summer.

2. IRONIC DINING

2013 will see Manchester’s hippest eaters head to the most unexpected of locations in a movement which has been called ‘ironic dining’.

Originating in New York and initially thought to be a reaction to the recession, the strange trend will see Mancunians head for Bella Italia, Frankie and Bennys, Pizza Hut, Chiquitos, Harry Ramsden’s and Harvester in an effort to take the piss out of the things they’re eating.

“Me and the girls went to the Harvester in the Printworks last week”, said Saff Hammond, a 26-year old creative consultant and part-time DJ who lives in the Green Quarter. “It was great. We mocked everything, but especially the salad cart. I mean, really? It’s 2013.”

1. FLOOR

Can Manchester’s hottest eatery really be in Ancoats?

The brainchild of Anzhi Makhachkala, Floor is essentially a large, empty room aside from a handful of seemingly junk items. Diners come in, pick a spot on the floor, and indulge themselves in the experience.

“I wanted to completely strip back the whole dining undertaking”, said Makhachkala. “And fuck tables.”

The eclectic menu includes flash-roasted aubergine pizza topped with falafel croquettes and crunchy wasabi peas and barbecued duck wings with sriracha slaw.

The ingenious sandwich lunch menu eschews normal bread for more alternative filling solutions. Hungarian boiled ham and paprika spiked barramundi are delivered in Korean baos, Belgian waffles and Peruvian arepas.

The diners waiting in the foyer are given free Japanese kushiyakis.

“We’re blurring the already blurred line between high-end dining, casual-fast food eating and Asian-inspired family gatherings and then slamming that in to Ancoats”, said Makhachkala.

Floor, 62 Jersey Street, Ancoats, Manchester, M4 6JW (no bookings)

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Office, Tib Street

In case you somehow haven’t noticed, Manchester is experiencing something of a burger epiphany.

Each month seems to mark the opening of another meat-loving venue offering American-styled, in your face, juices down your arm, carnivorous delights.

The new kid on the burger scene is Office. Located on Tib Street in the heart of the Northern Quarter the venue offers something I don’t think I’ve come across before in 6 years of reviewing restaurants: sharing your dining experience with actual office workers.

Office head honcho and former accountant Rylan Norwood had always dreamt of setting up a burger restaurant after numerous trips to California to experience the famous SoCal ‘meat scene’. In 2011 the struggling Tib Street accountancy firm for which he worked was forced to lay off nearly 50% of its staff, resulting in a half-empty office space. Norwood seized his opportunity, rented the dead space from his former employers and the result is a strange hybrid of steak juice, staplers, cocktails and spreadsheets.

“It’s odd, yeah, but it somehow it seems to f**king work” muses Norwood, who came over for a quick chat between flipping patties.

“Lunch service can feel quite strange as you’re sharing your dining experience with suited professionals, but for dinner we can roll away all the office equipment and it feels like any other restaurant. Albeit with a few filing cabinets and flip-charts dotted around the place”, he says with a cheeky grin.

Wanting to avoid the queues that snake down the office stairs and out on to the street during the packed dinner service, my companion and I come for lunch.

Being seated practically on top of a guy who is clearly typing on to a spreadsheet is a very odd experience at first, but you soon get used to it and we were quickly absorbed in the abrasive menu.

Despite the early hour we opt for a couple of cocktails to kick things off.

Riding The Cotton Pony is a new twist on the classic Bloody Mary with  Jagermeister replacing the vodka. It’s not until the drink arrives at my table with a fake tampon hanging over the side of the glass that I realise the significance of the drink’s name. I’m sure the accountant next to me is giggling.

My companion orders a Manchester: a surprisingly sophisticated Vimto and vodka-based cocktail supposedly with an addition of a millilitre of Manchester drizzle collected in a shot glass once used in the Hacienda. Of course, it’s amusingly served in an old Vimto bottle.

Food time.

I opt for the wonderfully monikered Triple F*cked Pig Burger. Destined to be a pulled pork classic, the burger is created from pork that is slowly cooked for over 48 hours before being pulled in three different directions and teased in to a burger shape.

Norwood informs me that one of the accountants in the office always does the final vertical pork pull, but the glint in his eye makes me wonder.

What sets my burger apart is the soon to be famous Office ‘bitchtits brioche bun’ (lovingly nicknamed by the staff) which embraces each meat patty. Made from 70% classic brioche dough and 30% doughnut mixture it adds a massive sweetness to the burger that just manages to stay the right side of sickly.

Triple F*cking Pig Burger with ‘Slut Slaw’

I accompany my burger with Winehouse Fries. Served in a kitsch, plastic upside-down beehive hair basket is a mound of quadruple cooked American-style fries smothered in vodka-based chilli sauce. Offensive? Possibly. Delicious? Certainly.

My dining partner goes for the house classic: Motherf*cking Winning Burger. The menu describes this meal far better than I could ever dream of doing: ”We fist a portion of bone marrow in to 1lb of dirty cow goodness and wank the entire lot on to a GHETTO retro-50s grill plate before climaxing it on to classic paper wrapping.”

She informs me that it’s good, but the sheer size of the burger makes it incredibly difficult to eat. I try and tell her that that’s half the point, but at this stage she’s had too much Manchester cocktail to seemingly care.

Office’s house classic: the Motherf*cking Winning Burger

We also get some Slut Slaw (delicious Asian-style slaw apparently made by the ‘kitchen slut’) and the rather mysterious Man Mayo (we didn’t ask) to share.

The entire dining experience is punctuated with a variety of on the house pulled pork amuse-bouches which are thrown down unannounced to the table. My favourite was undoubtedly the pulled pork skittles: tiny globules of pulled pork somehow branded with a minute ‘PP’ and served in actual Skittles wrapper, although it has been defaced with a picture of two pigs having sex (natch).

On the way out an accountant high-fives me before reaching over for some of my left-over fries. Manchester has a new burger king contender. Have it their way.

________________________________

Office, Tib Street, Northern Quarter, Manchester, M4 1LG

Twitter enquiries only: @OfficeBurger

Rating: 8.3/10
Food: 8/10
Service: 7/10
Decor: 10/10

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The rules are simple: when one of the items on the list below occurs note the number of points and add it to your total. For every 100 points scored down a pint of Carling. For any items in bold you must down a shot of sambuca.

You will need: Carling, Sambuca, ITV.

Ex-Liverpool player who played in the 1996 final being asked about ‘those’ white suits (20 points)

Footage shown of Dennis Wise holding his baby and the FA Cup after the 2000 final (20 points)

John Terry or Luis Suarez seen wearing a hood (200 points)

Any player spotted wearing Beats by Dr Dre headphones as they walk from the bus in to Wembley (10 points)

Footage of any player with the lid of the cup on their head (20 points)

Dalglish answering a question with a question. (“Big game for you today isn’t it Kenny?” “I dunno, is it?” “Well, it is isn’t it?” “I really don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” etc.) (100 points)

Wembley being refered to as ‘magnificent’ or ‘hallowed’ (5 points)

Any interview with a foreign player who is due to play in today’s game talking about how the FA Cup final was always a special match for them to watch on television as a child despite not living in England (50 points)

“Greatest Cup Competition In The Word” (5 points)

Any mention of how many countries this is being show in, or the total TV audience in billions (30 points)

Any shot of a tin-foil cup (10 points)

An incredibly serious piece to camera from Gabriel Clarke (200 points)

Any shot of a face-painted child (10 points)

Jan Molby (100 points)

Adrian Chiles does an impression of Roy Hodgson (80 points)

Roy Keane smiling (50 points)

Any discussion around European club cup competitions not having the same interest as the FA Cup (40 points)

Frank Leboeuf (100 points)

Roy Keane finally taking out Adrian Chiles with a meathook (300 points)

Any fan giving a prediction on Wembley Way (20 points)

Reference to Liverpool’s heroics in Instanbul (5 points)

Chiles pointing out to Keane that both clubs have had a difficult season and then asking who needs it more. Keane telling him to “shut the fuck up”. Southgate looking on nervously. (150 points)

In his compelling compendium of carnal tales  -  serialised exclusively in News Manc today  -  the man best known to millions as Ken Barlow shares the intimate details of over five decades of throwing particles around the large hadron collider.

Roache with girl #423: "She had breasts like a Victorian midwife."

23rd September 1963
Rachel
#39   ❶❷❸❹❺
Face like a box of frogs but after three snowballs she went off like a barn door in a storm. Poor oral hygiene though. Mouthwash.

#128  ❶❷❸❹❺
Lovely lass from Wigan. Prawn cocktail and a gammon steak at the Berni Inn followed by half a bottle of Mateus Rose back at Roache Towers. As loose as a taxi driver’s clutch. Flexible.

#212  ❶❷❸❹❺
Christmas party. Got her knicker hamster out after far too much to drink. Not the classiest. Didn’t seem keen at first but told her I’m hung like an Australian parliament. Messy.

#298  ❶❷❸❹❺
Quick feeding of the horse around the back of Shelia’s Wine Bar. It was like Charles Darwin’s beard down there. Textured.

#387  ❶❷❸❹❺
Picked her up in the Quattro and straight back to Roache Villas to introduce her to the custard cannon. Four hours of mexican goldrushing. Achy.

#612  ❶❷❸❹❺
Asked me to dress up as Ken and insisted I put my pubic hair in a side-parting. The request to do a Weatherfield local history role play was a step to far. Possibly mentally ill. She performed like an unpaid Tesco worker. Regrettable.

#785 & 786  ❶❷❸❹❺
First experience of a rock, paper, scissors session. One of them (can’t remember which) had breasts like deployed airbags. Introduced to a new position called the Sudanese Shake ‘n’ Bake. Exhausting.

#832  ❶❷❸❹❺
One of Les Battersby’s cast-offs but I’m not fussy. He’s got a cock like a bookie’s pencil anyway. All night session. She went down on me more often that my BT wireless router. Unquenchable.

#940  ❶❷❸❹❺
Treated her to three trips to the Harvester salad cart. That is a metaphor. Croutons.

Fucking Like a Rock Star by William Roache is out now through Penguin Books and is currently available at Amazon.com for the special price of £7.99.

The buzz and excitement is building for the biggest event in the British music industry’s calendar.

News Manc’s showbiz reporter Penny Gooch has been busy putting together this exclusive preview and gives her tips as to potential winners.

WARNING: This report contains scenes of James Corden.

Penny Gooch
Showbiz Reporter

For any serious music fan today isn’t about pancakes.

Tonight sees the 35th annual BRIT Awards where the music industry gathers together to see the six artists played on Capital FM over the last year meet James Corden.

This year’s event will see amazing live performances from Coldplay, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, Adele, Coldplay, Adele, Ed Sheeran, JLS, Adele, Adele, Coldplay and Adele.

It will also see a special performance from a solo American artist that will feature costumes, hundreds of backing dancers and a selection of zoo animals on a 600ft stage costing over £1m.

It will be deemed “spectacular” by Radio 1 DJs Chris Moyles and Fearne Cotton the following day.

We now take a look at all the categories and give you our top tips for each award.

British Male Solo Artist

Ed Sheeran
Adele
Adele
Ed Sheeran
Adele

Penny’s Pick: Adele
It’s difficult to see past the singer-songwriter Adele for this one.

British Female Solo Artist (sponsored by Bon Marche)

Adele
Florence & the Machine
Ed Sheeran
Adele
Adele

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Florence & the Machine have had a fantastic year, but I can see Adele pipping Flo to this award.

British Breakthrough Act

Adele
Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran
Adele
Ed Sheeran
Coldplay

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Many will be rooting for Ed Sheeran after an especially strong 2011, but my pick has to be Adele. For some reason you start feeling slightly morose and a little bit faint at this point.

British Group

Adele
Ed Sheeran
Coldplay
Adele
Adele

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Industry insiders have been touting Coldplay for this award on the basis that they’re the only group actually nominated in the British Group category. That said, I still think Adele has a good chance of walking away with the coveted golden statue. Did you dream that cutaway shot of Reggie Yates or was it a flashback to a dream you’re not sure you ever even had?

British Single (voted for by the readers of Sainsbury’s Magazine)

Adele – Someone Like You
Ed Sheeran – The A Team
Adele – Someone Like You
Adele – Someone Like You
JLS ft Dev – She Makes Me Wanna
Ed Sheeran – The A Team
Coldplay – Paradise
Adele – Someone Like You
Ed Sheeran – The A Team
Adele – Someone Like You
Adele – Someone Like You

Penny’s Pick: Adele
The JLS single She Makes Me Wanna was hands down my favourite single of the year and Coldplay’s Paradise, a moving tribute to Vanessa Paradis who died in 2011, will be the critic’s choice. But the Sainsbury’s Magazine readers are likely to vote for Adele in droves. JLS are waving at the camera. You see their fingers as thousands of small magic wands casting a Nando’s spell.

MasterCard British Album of the Year (sponsored by Um Bongo)

Adele – 21
Adele – 21
Ed Sheeran - +
Adele – 21
Florence & the Machine – Ceremonial

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Jessie J is being interviewed by Stephen Mulhern from Animal’s Do The Funniest Things. You see only pictures and you hear no words. Your eyes seem to fixate on Jessie J’s mouth. “I love you. I love you”, she seems to mouth repeatedly. Your eyes re-focus and it’s not Jessie J, it’s Mystic Meg. “I want to fuck you”, she whispers.

International Male Solo Artist

Adele
Adele
Clannad
Florence & the Machine
Adele
Ed Sheeran

Penny’s Pick: Adele
James Corden is doing his impression of Peter Crouch doing the robot as a beaming 30ft David Beckham face smiles down on him from a screen above the stage. The camera cuts away to Fearne Cotton hysterically laughing and pointing at Corden. You reach down to touch your arm, to feel the warm skin, the fleshy tissue. “Am I even here? What really defines existence?”, you find yourself mumbling.

International Female Solo Artist (sponsored by that episode of Friends on T4 where Monica puts a turkey on her head)

Adele
Adele
Adele
Adele
Coldplay
Adele

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Tinie Tempah stands up to applaud Adele on another win and life seems to slow to a crawl. His hands creep backwards and forwards and all sound morphs in to a slow, vibrating ‘ooooooouuuuuuuummmmmmmmoooooooouuuummmm’. Your eyes are transfixed on his bow tie, unable to look away. Memories of your childhood suddenly come flooding in to your mind: fields, smells of cake batter, seasides, the slight look of sadness in your mother’s eyes that you’d never noticed until this very moment.

International Group

Ed Sheeran
Adele
Adele
Adele
Maroon 5

Penny’s Pick: Adele
Ed Sheeran is being interviewed on the red carpet by George Lamb. Suddenly you understand. You realise. Feelings of happiness and contentedness wash over you. A new world is in front of you, a world with more clarity, intricacy, beauty, definition and colour than any world you could have imagined. Ed stares at you. He knows. We all know. We are all one. A stunning lucidity overcomes you, the perspective of time and sound lost to nature.

A tear rolls down your cheek. The salt touches your lips. You are alive. Alive.

International Breakthrough Act

Adele
Morbid Angel
Adele
Adele

Penny’s Pick: Adele
James Corden is doing a skit as Smithy with Adele playing the part of Nessa. Olly Murs is laughing. He’s laughing at you. You rise up out of your own body and look down on yourself. But instead of a grown man you see a child. The child is on his knees, looking up at a bright and full moon, which illuminates the room like a thousand suns. “Why have you forsaken me moon?”, he cries. “WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!”.

Coverage of tonight’s BRIT Awards can be seen from 8pm on ITV1.